fail day.

Today was a very, very long day. One of those days that just makes you want to curl up and disappear for a while. I started off the morning with a bright and chipper class (NOT) in which my professor completely tore apart all my hard work. And when I explained my thought process, said it was too deep. And when other people defended me, he wouldn't listen. And then when other people did something wrong, he would look at me and practically say "well, at least you're not as behind as her." Good way to start off the morning, huh? After class, I shut myself off in my apartment and had a minor melt-down. There were lots of exhausted tears. That was a fun lunch break.

Painting is always the highlight of my day. Still true today.

When I saw the teacher of my first class again later in the day, he again brought up how disappointed he was in me as a human being. Which I have ceased to care about ...and I told him so.

Then the frustrating evening started. Mine and Brent's schedules were the exact opposite of each other again tonight. I got out of class right as he had a meeting, and he was done with the meeting as I went to my Jazzercise class, and I got done with the Jazzercise class right as his meeting started, and his meeting ended right as my meeting started. That, in and of itself, was frustrating. In between which time, I gave one of Brent's friends a haircut that was only so-so. That frustrated the fire out of me because I just felt rushed and frazzled, and unsuccessful.

I couldn't seem to focus in meeting today. And, when you're the moderator of the meeting, it's not acceptable to be scatter brained. And we had voting today, so everyone was all hyped up anyways ...which only annoyed me more. Then, I get back to check my e-mail and find one complainer whining to me that she didn't get a ballot. Well, you e-mailed me on one of the worst days I've had in a really long time AND you e-mailed me about an hour before meeting. Did I have time to wait around for you? no. It's your own fault for not letting me know sooner. And THEN she updated her stupid facebook status to say "I just wanted to vote..." like I'm stealing her rights. Wow.

I feel like everything I touched today just failed. And failed epically. Part of my problem is that I am absolutely sick of college. Painting is the one redeeming class that I still enjoy. Everything else, I just hate going. And I'm one of those people that have always enjoyed school and the competition. Well, not any more apparently. And it's very frustrating to feel trapped by your own life. I can't escape my classes. I can't quit. I can't take different ones. I can't NOT do the work I think is retarded, because I have to graduate. And I can't NOT graduate. Ugh. I've tried to really enjoy my last semester, but I am burnt out on school. I just want to get out of here and marry my love. Is that really so much to ask?

I promise I'll be more chipper next time.

I wrote this on March 5, but was a little late in posting it...

Today was one of those days when I realized that life is speeding forward no matter what I do to try to slow it down. Exactly 3 months from today, Brent and I will be getting married!! Which is the wonderful and exciting part of the future that is coming. And I am definitely looking forward to everything that comes with marrying him. Especially getting to see him everyday ...my bloodle has really died, and now I'm snuggleless while I fall asleep. That needs to change. Anyways, the part that I realized I'm really NOT looking forward to is leaving my job ...and I only have TWO months here at Buy For Less. That makes me really sad.

When talking with my parents a couple weeks ago, I realized that there weren't very many really close friends that I would miss from OC. I HAVE friends, but I kinda doubt we'll keep in touch that much after graduation. Just facebook messages or something. But one of my best friends now is Kim ...we share a cubicle, she's had me over for dinner and scrapbooking multiple times, we talk all the time, and I'm really going to miss her. And it really hit me today that I'm really moving away from this comfy job, work that I love, people I love, free food --which I love, and a fun environment --which I love even more. I know that God has great things for me and Brent in Hot Springs ...and I AM excited to move there. Just not excited to move AWAY from the job I have here.