Two weeks.

Exactly two weeks from this moment, I will be a married woman!! I'm so excited about it, and I can't believe that it is finally so close!! This next week, Brent and I are going to unpack more things from our showers into OUR apartment. It's just so exciting to know that I'm going to get to completely share my life with my best friend. I won't have to say goodbye, I won't have to be guarded, I won't have to eat out every night like I have lately ...I will get to spend my evenings with Brent. Just like I like em.

Tasks

A lot has been going lately. Which isn't surprising, since I'm within two weeks from graduation!! I've felt a bit overwhelmed with homework. This week, I had to pull two all-nighters and STILL didn't get all my work done. Ugh. But it's almost over!! I'm going to make it!! Plus, classes are finally getting better again. The campaign that O'Keefe hated is now a lot stronger, and that helps me sleep better at night.

I've also been arranging everything for Brent and I to get our apartment in Hot Springs!! We're going to sign the lease this afternoon ...and I am so excited!! It's been easy but time consuming to get all the paperwork back and forth, but it's well worth it. I was really nervous that we wouldn't get approved or something, but I think that I have better credit than I think I do. In any case, it's a two-bedroom, one bath. Oh, I can't wait to move in and get to decorate and get to live with my best friend!!

I've been feeling pretty self-focused lately. Well, at least self-task-focused. I just have so many things to do, that it's almost all I really been able to think about lately. So whenever I call my parents or talk to Brent, I feel like I'm always telling people what I need them to do. I hate that. But if I don't tell them what I need, then I just go crazy thinking of everything that's on my plate. I'm hoping that the bossiness will subside after graduation, when my tasks have been cut in half. After graduation, I'll just be working full-time and living out of a suitcase with one of my friends on campus (and continuing wedding planning, of course). Sounds like a vacation to me!! No more homework. EVER. Oh, I can't wait!!

fail day.

Today was a very, very long day. One of those days that just makes you want to curl up and disappear for a while. I started off the morning with a bright and chipper class (NOT) in which my professor completely tore apart all my hard work. And when I explained my thought process, said it was too deep. And when other people defended me, he wouldn't listen. And then when other people did something wrong, he would look at me and practically say "well, at least you're not as behind as her." Good way to start off the morning, huh? After class, I shut myself off in my apartment and had a minor melt-down. There were lots of exhausted tears. That was a fun lunch break.

Painting is always the highlight of my day. Still true today.

When I saw the teacher of my first class again later in the day, he again brought up how disappointed he was in me as a human being. Which I have ceased to care about ...and I told him so.

Then the frustrating evening started. Mine and Brent's schedules were the exact opposite of each other again tonight. I got out of class right as he had a meeting, and he was done with the meeting as I went to my Jazzercise class, and I got done with the Jazzercise class right as his meeting started, and his meeting ended right as my meeting started. That, in and of itself, was frustrating. In between which time, I gave one of Brent's friends a haircut that was only so-so. That frustrated the fire out of me because I just felt rushed and frazzled, and unsuccessful.

I couldn't seem to focus in meeting today. And, when you're the moderator of the meeting, it's not acceptable to be scatter brained. And we had voting today, so everyone was all hyped up anyways ...which only annoyed me more. Then, I get back to check my e-mail and find one complainer whining to me that she didn't get a ballot. Well, you e-mailed me on one of the worst days I've had in a really long time AND you e-mailed me about an hour before meeting. Did I have time to wait around for you? no. It's your own fault for not letting me know sooner. And THEN she updated her stupid facebook status to say "I just wanted to vote..." like I'm stealing her rights. Wow.

I feel like everything I touched today just failed. And failed epically. Part of my problem is that I am absolutely sick of college. Painting is the one redeeming class that I still enjoy. Everything else, I just hate going. And I'm one of those people that have always enjoyed school and the competition. Well, not any more apparently. And it's very frustrating to feel trapped by your own life. I can't escape my classes. I can't quit. I can't take different ones. I can't NOT do the work I think is retarded, because I have to graduate. And I can't NOT graduate. Ugh. I've tried to really enjoy my last semester, but I am burnt out on school. I just want to get out of here and marry my love. Is that really so much to ask?

I promise I'll be more chipper next time.

I wrote this on March 5, but was a little late in posting it...

Today was one of those days when I realized that life is speeding forward no matter what I do to try to slow it down. Exactly 3 months from today, Brent and I will be getting married!! Which is the wonderful and exciting part of the future that is coming. And I am definitely looking forward to everything that comes with marrying him. Especially getting to see him everyday ...my bloodle has really died, and now I'm snuggleless while I fall asleep. That needs to change. Anyways, the part that I realized I'm really NOT looking forward to is leaving my job ...and I only have TWO months here at Buy For Less. That makes me really sad.

When talking with my parents a couple weeks ago, I realized that there weren't very many really close friends that I would miss from OC. I HAVE friends, but I kinda doubt we'll keep in touch that much after graduation. Just facebook messages or something. But one of my best friends now is Kim ...we share a cubicle, she's had me over for dinner and scrapbooking multiple times, we talk all the time, and I'm really going to miss her. And it really hit me today that I'm really moving away from this comfy job, work that I love, people I love, free food --which I love, and a fun environment --which I love even more. I know that God has great things for me and Brent in Hot Springs ...and I AM excited to move there. Just not excited to move AWAY from the job I have here.

Blessings galore!!

This was a wonderful weekend!!

First off, Brent and I took the NPC kids to CHRISTeens this weekend. The retreat in and of itself was like a low-budget version of Winterfest. But God still works through low-budget things (except for the WORST church skits I have ever ever ever seen ...wow, I wanted to tear my arm off and beat myself over the head with it, but I digress). It was really great to get to worship God for so long in ACAPELLA!! I've missed that. Although I realized that most teens today don't really understand worship. I think that they were just singing because someone told them to sing; they don't really grasp the connection that you can have with your Redeemer. Anyways, we had a really great group discussion time where the kids asked some GREAT questions about God, faith, and how to be a better Christian. And then two of our kids decided to get baptized!! I was so excited for them, happy to see God working through teenagers, and proud to be the future Mrs. Brent Stafford. He did so good. God did so good. It was a good weekend.

And THEN I found out that one of the logos I designed for BUY FOR LE$$ won two golds in the ADDY awards!! And I don't just mean the college ADDYs ...but the legit, career PROFESSIONAL ones!! I think that it was the menu and logo that I designed each won a gold medal. Which is so exciting to only be a college kid and already won TWO ADDYS!!!! Oh, God is so good to me sometimes I just can't stand it. Well I can stand it ...and I enjoy it ...I just plain don't deserve it. But keep it comin, Lord!!

Emotional Rollercoasters

In preparation for getting married, I started back on birth control. And now I remember why I quit it the first time. I'm not generally an emotional person. But these crazy estrogen pills make me feel triple the emotions that I would normally feel!! When I'm happy, I'm so giddy that I am bouncing off the walls. When I'm sad, I am crying my eyes out. And when I am frustrated, I am IRATE. And granted, this is only the low-hormone kind. I just don't know what to do when I feel emotional ...it's so foreign to me.

For example, yesterday was a very trying day on my emotions. First off, O'Keefe ticked off everyone in my Campaigns class. He told us that we were all bringing in crap, and we were wasting our time (when, he doesn't even come to class because he gets a phone call ...but who am I to judge?). So then I had some errands to run, and I was still all wound up from class. So I decided to let myself relax a little and make a nice lunch before I went to painting. While I was in the middle of cooking, the fire alarm went off. And our phase manager was gone, so there was no one here to turn it off. I got VERY angered by this intrusion on my personal time. So I tried to relax and eat outside until the alarm stopped so I could eat in some semblance of peace. But then everyone else was outside their apartments, and they kept talking to me. This was Terra-needs-to-calm-down personal time, remember? So I got angered some more. Then, when I was coming in to clean off the pan from my lunch, I hit my knee on the corner of my coffee table. It hurt (and the old Terra would just say "ouch" and move on, but not the new, crazy Terra). I started crying. I was tired of not getting to see Brent, frustrated with classes, mad at the fire alarm, mad at the girl upstairs who can't use a microwave well enough to NOT set off the fire alarm, mad that I hit my knee on the table, and I just plain felt like crying. So I cried. and cried. And cried so hard I gave myself a migraine. haha. So I skipped painting and took a nap instead. I felt that I needed it.

I've obviously gone crazy. If this is how the rest of woman-kind feels on a day-to-day basis, I take back all the mean comments I've made about how flighty and hormonal women are. This is hard!! I'll feel angry for absolutely no reason, but I can't deny the fact that I FEEL angry. It's very weird. Hopefully it'll wear off soon ...the package said that the mood swings will only last 2 months at the most. One month down, one to go.

Bring on the semester

My first day of classes was today. My LAST first day of classes ...possibly EVER!! Wow, crazy. I'm glad to be back at OC though. I'm excited to get to spend my final semester with my friends and my wonderful fiance. While I'm anxious to graduate, I'm also excited to just enjoy my last semester!!

I've been looking at photographers' blogs today, and I think that I would love to be able to do that for a living ...but I have a LONG way to go to even consider that possibility. I mean, I would need to even START my photography portfolio. But who knows what doors God may be opening for me in the future!! I'm excited to see what my future holds.